Flapbongod is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, sage toad.

Flapbongod created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapbongod, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flapbongod, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flapbongod's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Flapbongod's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five nickel sculptures of Flapbongod on top of important buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Flapbongod must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.