Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, fast raccoon.

Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wanvonk Hak Lagmutcud.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never hurt porpoises.