Bitquagwig is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, dishonourable swan.

Bitquagwig created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitquagwig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bitquagwig, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bitquagwig's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bitquagwig's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never hurt voles.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.