Cepragstan Jatdabkik is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered porpoise.

Cepragstan Jatdabkik created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cepragstan Jatdabkik, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cepragstan Jatdabkik, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Cepragstan Jatdabkik's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Cepragstan Jatdabkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to whales while wearing purple coats.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Hide if seven birds approach from the south.

4. You must never eat pineapples.

5. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.