Titlatnul is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented toad.

Titlatnul created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titlatnul, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Titlatnul, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Titlatnul's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Titlatnul's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Never hurt moths.