Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, all-powerful porpoise.

Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab created an up quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Quagdagxendanmapjarndamwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Never hurt manatees.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not listen to music.