Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, dishonest cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Hide from green rats for they are unholy.

3. Never mention nematodes.

4. Never look at planets.

5. You must pray to Jadhapvaghugpitmetwapgam nine times a day.