Tipjarnlid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless crab.

Tipjarnlid created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tipjarnlid, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tipjarnlid, he will boil you in a big pot.

Tipjarnlid's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Tipjarnlid's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tipjarnlid first in all things.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.