Yimquafbad is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, quiet turtle.

Yimquafbad created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yimquafbad, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yimquafbad, it will turn you into a mole.

Yimquafbad's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Yimquafbad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

2. Do not speak about turnips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Hide if seven birds approach from the east.

5. Do not take Yimquafbad's name in vain.