Xemzedstikratbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, emotional crocodile.

Xemzedstikratbonk created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemzedstikratbonk, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xemzedstikratbonk, he will turn you into a sheep.

Xemzedstikratbonk's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Xemzedstikratbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four gulls approach from the east.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Never hurt moths.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never skip in holy places.