Sigmitarpken is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unfair spider.

Sigmitarpken created the Sunflower Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Sigmitarpken, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sigmitarpken, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Sigmitarpken's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Sigmitarpken's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Run away if three mites approach from the east.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about gravity.