Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, irritating beaver.

Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

3. Do not take Toncipyattminjenquagflapjab's name in vain.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not commit murder.