Lapbigyatt is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, almighty tapir.

Lapbigyatt created the Sunflower Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbigyatt, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lapbigyatt, he will turn you into a dog.

Lapbigyatt's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lapbigyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. You must love Lapbigyatt.

4. Never wear brown shoes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.