Jatcenkop is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured horse.

Jatcenkop created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatcenkop, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jatcenkop, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jatcenkop's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Jatcenkop's Holy Commandments

1. Jatcenkop must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Jatcenkop loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

3. Retreat if three gulls approach from the east.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.