Minnuttbell is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, vain wren.

Minnuttbell created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Minnuttbell, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Minnuttbell, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Minnuttbell's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Minnuttbell's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Minnuttbell.

2. Never think about moons.

3. Minnuttbell loves whales, so they must be respected.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always obey Minnuttbell's priests.