Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, proud mink.

Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan.

2. You must pray to Jipjadtarp Tonkmegcan seven times a day.

3. Never feed bread to sharks while wearing mauve stockings.

4. Retreat if eight mites approach from the north.

5. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.