Omtbamlak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, almighty gerbil.

Omtbamlak created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Omtbamlak, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Omtbamlak, she will turn you into a snail.

Omtbamlak's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Omtbamlak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not wear pink clothing.

3. Never bounce near ducks.

4. Hide from blue snakes for they are unholy.

5. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.