Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, narcissistic walrus.

Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Didgepvantadhivcub Labmabrig loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.