Bondubvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, happy swallow.

Bondubvonk created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bondubvonk, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bondubvonk, he will turn you into a slug.

Bondubvonk's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bondubvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Bondubvonk loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always look after injured sharks.