Ortingkom is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unfair bear.

Ortingkom created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortingkom, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ortingkom, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Ortingkom's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Ortingkom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five seals approach from the south.

2. Never skip near doves.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never wear stockings.