Lagcarpag is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, benevolent wren.

Lagcarpag created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagcarpag, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagcarpag, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lagcarpag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Lagcarpag's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lagcarpag.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Never talk about planets.