Labtofzod is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, loving crow.

Labtofzod created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Labtofzod, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Labtofzod, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Labtofzod's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Labtofzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Do not dye your hair yellow.

4. Worship no other gods but Labtofzod.

5. Never hurt porpoises.