Nurvoltad Baptaltik is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, fussy walrus.

Nurvoltad Baptaltik created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurvoltad Baptaltik, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurvoltad Baptaltik, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Nurvoltad Baptaltik's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Nurvoltad Baptaltik's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Nurvoltad Baptaltik.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Run away if seven frogs approach from the east.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always help great tits.