Carquartqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unfair wyvern.

Carquartqueeg created a charm quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Carquartqueeg, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Carquartqueeg, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Carquartqueeg's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Carquartqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Carquartqueeg loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Run away from fawn snakes, for they are unholy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.