Motteenvad Kabtifhud is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, self-assured eagle.

Motteenvad Kabtifhud created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Motteenvad Kabtifhud, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Motteenvad Kabtifhud, it will turn you into a puffin.

Motteenvad Kabtifhud's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Motteenvad Kabtifhud's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Motteenvad Kabtifhud.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.