Ripmetdin is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, moody dolphin.

Ripmetdin created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripmetdin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ripmetdin, it will remove you from existence.

Ripmetdin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Ripmetdin's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near otters.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not cook food in pots.