Haklenbum is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, fussy snail.

Haklenbum created the planet Saturn five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haklenbum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Haklenbum, it will torture you forever.

Haklenbum's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Haklenbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Haklenbum.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Never sit near seals.

5. Do not covet oxen.