Donbonkjan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy monkey.

Donbonkjan created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Donbonkjan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Donbonkjan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Donbonkjan's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Donbonkjan's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never feed garlic to tortoises while wearing purple tights.

5. Do not drink alcohol.