Hogsawcet Flamsatlab is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, moody finch.

Hogsawcet Flamsatlab created a quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hogsawcet Flamsatlab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hogsawcet Flamsatlab, he will turn you into a slug.

Hogsawcet Flamsatlab's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Hogsawcet Flamsatlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear cyan scarves.