Panomttonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, fussy snail.

Panomttonk created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Panomttonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Panomttonk, she will turn you into a rock.

Panomttonk's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Panomttonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not take Panomttonk's name in vain.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Worship no other gods but Panomttonk.