Artneg is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, boastful grasshopper.

Artneg created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artneg, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Artneg, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Artneg's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Artneg's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Artneg must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Artneg loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.