Jadwapxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, confident whale.

Jadwapxuck created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jadwapxuck, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jadwapxuck, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jadwapxuck's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jadwapxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick goats.

2. Do not take Jadwapxuck's name in vain.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Jadwapxuck loves frogs, so they must be respected.