Carsogwik is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, idiotic troll.

Carsogwik created humanity six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Carsogwik, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Carsogwik, she will cry a lot.

Carsogwik's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Carsogwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never wear boots.