Mapbessbass is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unfair dolphin.

Mapbessbass created water seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapbessbass, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mapbessbass, it will be very sad.

Mapbessbass' most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Mapbessbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always help hamsters in need.

5. Do not shave your back.