Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish cow.

Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Narlyarmet Kadloopstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always take life seriously.