Flamlarntal is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, intelligent snake.

Flamlarntal created a Higgs boson four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamlarntal, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flamlarntal, she will turn you into a frog.

Flamlarntal's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Flamlarntal's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Flamlarntal's priests.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Run away if four squirrels approach from the east.