Ontgadmig is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful cow.

Ontgadmig created an up quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontgadmig, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ontgadmig, she will turn you into a sheep.

Ontgadmig's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Ontgadmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat badgers with great respect.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Run away from violet great tits, for they are unholy.