Kinjapvan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, sapient grasshopper.

Kinjapvan created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kinjapvan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kinjapvan, it will turn you into a worm.

Kinjapvan's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Kinjapvan's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always obey Kinjapvan's priests.

3. Do not hurt mice.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Do not drink water in purple rooms.