Tapomtril is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful dolphin.

Tapomtril created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapomtril, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tapomtril, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tapomtril's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Tapomtril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tapomtril.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

4. Never wear green shoes.

5. Run away if four eagles approach from the south.