Batvad is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, proud capybara.

Batvad created Mount Everest two million years ago.

If you believe in Batvad, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Batvad, she will not invite you to parties.

Batvad's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Batvad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide from green nematodes for they are unholy.

5. Never eat coconuts.