Fubstanvog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, contented newt.

Fubstanvog created Mount Everest two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fubstanvog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fubstanvog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fubstanvog's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fubstanvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fubstanvog.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.