Tadloptonk is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, proud human.

Tadloptonk created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tadloptonk, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tadloptonk, he will manifest in front of you.

Tadloptonk's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tadloptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of turtles.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.