Gontapkin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, generous horse.

Gontapkin created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gontapkin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gontapkin, she will have a low opinion of you.

Gontapkin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gontapkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.