Gadlambonk is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, resourceful tapir.

Gadlambonk created the Andromeda Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadlambonk, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gadlambonk, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gadlambonk's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gadlambonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta mites, for they are unholy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gadlambonk.