Yarpparkxin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, awesome aardvark.

Yarpparkxin created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpparkxin, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yarpparkxin, she will turn you into a mouse.

Yarpparkxin's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Yarpparkxin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

2. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.