Quafhigont Futyamzimlim is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, able guinea pig.

Quafhigont Futyamzimlim created a bottom quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quafhigont Futyamzimlim, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Quafhigont Futyamzimlim, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quafhigont Futyamzimlim's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Quafhigont Futyamzimlim's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Quafhigont Futyamzimlim's priests.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Hide if eight mites approach from the east.

4. Do not take Quafhigont Futyamzimlim's name in vain.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.