Gadtitgomcem is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, impressive cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gadtitgomcem created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadtitgomcem, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gadtitgomcem, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gadtitgomcem's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Gadtitgomcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.