Bitmobmid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, stupid aardvark.

Bitmobmid created the world seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitmobmid, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bitmobmid, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Bitmobmid's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bitmobmid's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four squirrels approach from the north.

2. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the east.

3. You must love Bitmobmid.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must never eat cucumbers.