Farnqueegfen is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, bad-tempered bear.

Farnqueegfen created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnqueegfen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Farnqueegfen, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Farnqueegfen's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Farnqueegfen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five gold sculptures of Farnqueegfen on top of important buildings.

2. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never run near rats.

4. Always obey Farnqueegfen's priests.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.