Madwikyak is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, witless hydra.

Madwikyak created Africa eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Madwikyak, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Madwikyak, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Madwikyak's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Madwikyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick great tits.

2. Always look after injured sharks.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.